Disintegration
by The Huntress and the Fairy
Summary: Raven says goodbye to who she thought she was in love with. There's a lesson to be learned in this...if you're lonely, don't jump at the first sign of affection, you can hurt more people than just yourself. Warnings: Lesbianism.


AN: Two songs are intertwined here:   
  
Evanescence "Forever Gone, Forever You" and Jacky Cheung "Goodbye Kiss "  
  
Thought it might be sort of...cute/depressing/angsty. Yep...let me know what you think. One shot, unless someone thinks otherwise...(hint hint)  
  
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Raven was tired. It had been a long week.  
  
{The dust in the past has changed to a smoky cloud that disappears in front of our eyes. I can not see your sadness even though we said goodbye.}  
  
She bought her coffee silently, the cashier didn't need to say much to her. The total flashed on a little screen above the cash register and she handed over the exact amount, turning around and taking the warm drink out to the park bench by the waterside, under the willow tree where she had spent wonderful days.  
  
Those were coming to an end.   
  
They both knew it. Sneaking around wasn't working, no matter how careful they were. It was tiring, and their attention was waning. Love had blossomed for the first few days and…it was gone as soon as it had come. Maybe they weren't cut out for each other. Maybe the whole "love" deal was a waste.  
  
{Suddenly, I discover that your face is unfamiliar, unlike the past. My world is beginning to snow.}   
  
A girl walked up behind Raven's bench, accidentally brushing up against the hood of her cloak. Her hair was short like Raven's, but it was black. She was pale, though make up had helped her achieve the feathery hue. Her lipstick was a dark purple, and her nails were coated with a thick layer of black nail polish. Raven looked her up and down, noticing the violet shirt fashioned like a corset, lacing up in the front. A black skirt almost covered the girl's well worn combat boots. After staring out at the river and plucking off a few leaves from nearby willow branches, she turned to face Raven.  
  
"Fancy meeting you here," She smiled, attempting her usual cynicism. She knew what was coming, the same way Raven knew. Their world was shattering, the shards unexpectedly snowing down on them, forcing them to look up and acknowledge that the world shouldn't have been there in the first place.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
{Coldness does not let me to love you even one more day. Coldness even makes my hidden regret to be noticeable.}  
  
Raven tried to nonchalantly take another sip of coffee, but she let the rim of the cup stay at her lips as she pretended to drink. She wanted an excuse not to speak first.  
  
"Meditated lately?" The girl asked. Dumb question. Raven meditated every day. But, it was her turn to talk now, no escaping it. She regained her usual bland, satirical charm and put down her coffee.  
  
"Yes." That was all Raven could spit out for the moment. The two watched the silver gleam of the sun reflect off the water, waiting for the other to say something else.  
  
"I don't think we should do this anymore, Adrienne."  
  
"I didn't really think so either." The girl, Adrienne, replied.  
  
{The thought of telling you that I miss you is like a kite with a broken string. It can not fly into your world, and also it can not warm your vision.}  
  
"Maybe we weren't cut out to be lovers." Raven sighed, pulling her legs up into her usual meditating position, aching to lose herself in her thoughts, to be far, far away from Adrienne.  
  
"Or, to put your words more bluntly, maybe you're not cut out to be a lesbian." Adrienne retorted, somewhat scathingly.  
  
"You could say that." Raven almost grimaced at the heat in Adrienne's words.  
  
"No, I don't blame you. You were just experimenting. So was I."  
  
"You were?"  
  
"I knew I was…different once I started high school. But the thing was, I had never actually, um, 'fallen in love' so to speak. You were the first."  
  
"You loved me." Raven replied, in monotone. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Adrienne's cheeks turning a little pink, toned down due to the pale make up. She turned her gaze back to the water, tossing a pebble to break the sickeningly calm surface.  
  
"I loved you too." She whispered, once her pebble sank.  
  
{The words that have been spoken are impossible to achieve.}  
  
"So what do you think happened?" Adrienne asked, loosening up and stretching out her legs. Both girls were becoming more comfortable in each other's presence, now that they realized there would be no remorseful tears or heated argument.  
  
{There's something very wrong about this. I think you knew all along somehow}   
  
"Dunno. I guess it just lost its flair." Raven ran a hand through her purple hair, feeling a little relieved, only to have it turn into a cold disappointment. Adrienne would never be the same again, and neither would she. What was she thinking, falling for a girl? What had she done, now pushing away the one person she thought could make her love?  
  
{I wanted you to be with me, for so long I don't even know why now. But now that I've given up on you, defiantly you see me.}  
  
"Yeah. I think I know what you mean. We were so overwhelmed we didn't think everything out, and so, in foolishness, we had to end it like this. That's life, you know." Adrienne turned to face Raven again, and the two sank further into familiar conversation, as if the they were nothing but old friends. The day drifted on, and Raven noticed the gathering storm clouds..  
  
"I should get going. The Titans are probably wondering where I am." Raven began to stand up, but was caught in the hypnotic gaze of Adrienne's eyes.  
  
"Did you ever mention me?"  
  
"No…it's hard enough already being the dark pessimistic one. It would have been too much."  
  
"Beast boy would never have let you live it down, huh?"  
  
"Right." Raven felt an unfamiliar sting against the back of her eyes. She clenched her fists. There will be no tears, she thought. This is nothing. She is nothing to me anymore.  
  
{Walking away I see the pain you put me through. Lost in your game to change the same, Forever gone, forever you.}  
  
"Raven," She whispered, hoping to be inaudible.  
  
"Adrienne," Raven blandly retorted, letting the alien bitterness take over her.  
  
"One more." It was all Adrienne had to say. She brushed her black hair out of her eyes, smiling sensually, teasing her, mocking the end of their brief and flippant relationship. Raven could hardly believe they had been so careless, and yet…  
  
"Just one." Raven replied.  
  
"A goodbye kiss. It will be different from the others."  
  
"If you say so." Raven started forward, ready to take the lead and get it done with, to purposefully dissatisfy Adrienne, but she would have none of it. She quickly took Raven's face into her hands, forcing their mouths together for the last time.  
  
"Better make it quick and sweet," Raven muttered.  
  
The skies opened up at this, drenching both the girls in rain that burned the skin with its icy touch. Raven wrapped her cloak around Adrienne, out of reflex, lengthening their farewell. Eyeliner streamed down Adrienne's face, as did the faint shadow on Raven's.  
  
{You and I kiss goodbye on an empty street. I can not stop the wind laughing. You and I kiss goodbye in a crazy night. My heart is waiting for a sad period.}  
  
{There's something very wrong about this. I think you knew all along somehow}   
  
The kiss had ended moments ago, but Adrienne had her hands still firmly tangled in Raven's violet hair, their foreheads touching as they wearily looked at the sodden ground. Black mud was rising to choke out the trampled grass, caking around their shoes. Raven could not bring herself to take her cloak from Adrienne, the same way Adrienne could not take her face away from Raven's, afraid she would collapse. Make up streaked everywhere across Adrienne's face, and Raven could take in all her imperfections. She was just another girl on the street she'd randomly say hello to today, tomorrow, years from now. No one special. Imperfect. Meaningless. Human.  
  
{Oh, the thought of telling you that I miss you is like a kite with a broken string. It can not fly into your world, and also it can not warm your vision. I can already see the end of this sad drama.}  
  
"I've dragged this out long enough. I'll go now." Adrienne, strongly and defiantly, picked her head up and turned to leave. Before she left, she picked up another rock from under the bench they had been sitting at, tossing it across the lake. It skipped three times , lost in the raindrops that pricked the surface, before it sank. Raven felt herself get thrown back, to the day they met, to the nights she had snuck out of her room, all events she had spent with Adrienne before this day.  
  
{Lonely, broken, and defeated}  
  
"Adrienne,"  
  
"Bye, Raven."  
  
{At the end, there is no happiness. I am still hiding in your dream.}  
  
Adrienne slung her purse over her shoulder, without looking back, and quietly walked away as if they had never known each other. This, Raven thought, was what she had wanted an hour ago. Now…she was not so sure. Now, alone in the frigid rain, she was not so sure she wanted to be this alone.  
  
"Oh well," Raven sighed, picking up her coffee cup. She stared distastefully at the liquid, now ruined by the relentless rain. She dumped it onto the ground, satisfaction running through her as she watched it spill and crash against the tree roots.  
  
{The dust in the past has changed to a smoky cloud that disappears in front of our eyes. I can not see your sadness even though we said goodbye.}  
  
{You and I kiss goodbye on an empty street. I can not stop the wind laughing.}  
  
Raven tossed the cup in a trash bin, closing her eyes to levitate above the ground, rising into the air to go back to her dark room. She imagined she would miss dinner again tonight, become moody with all the other Titans, push them away when they asked her what was wrong. It sounded predictable.  
  
{Walking away I see the pain you put me through. Lost in your game to change the same, Forever gone, forever you}  
  
"Yeah," Raven sighed as she sullenly floated over the empty streets, save for the single girl she had once known as Adrienne, "That song fits you now. Bye, Adrienne. Now...you're…'forever gone, forever you..' " 


End file.
